This one’s for humiliated teenagers everywhere. Today at work in the record store, a mum was wandering around behind two teenage boys, berating them for choosing to look in our ‘grotty’ store with our ‘annoying’ music (we specialise in import dance stuff) in an overly-loud voice.

One of the boys turned red and muttered something back, which led to a tirade from her about him having ‘no respect’ and how she wasn’t a ‘bloody fool’ and to stop talking to her like she was ‘an idiot’. All of this was moments before she turned around and smacked face first into our Coke machine.  The noise her features made as they hit the plastic fronting at velocity could only be described as a ‘squonch’.