Ahhh, the demanding random pushy girl. There is no greater friend to the dj. You can have a full dancefloor of excited punters and be playing the best set of your life and she’ll be standing next to the dj box, yelling “Oi! Play what I want! Oi!! Play it!! What I want!! Put it on NOW!! OI!! NOW!!!!!”. Last night I began to wonder if they actually behave so appallingly in everyday life.

So now, I present for your enjoyment, the demanding random pushy girl as I imagine her day might be.

Demanding random pushy girl wakes up at six a.m and groggily gets out of bed. After yelling at a calendar on her wall and demanding it make it Saturday immediately she storms huffily into the bathroom and showers. She decides the shower is not hot enough so she repeatedly whistles at it and gives it the ‘pump it up’ hand gesture but to no avail.

She then returns to the calendar and pokes it repeatedly with her index finger, saying “Saturday!! Now!!” before giving up and getting dressed for work. She exits the house and stands at the front kerb, wating for the bus to come. It soon does, although it stops at the actual bus stop on the opposite side of the road. She places her hands firmly on her hips and glares at the bus, yells ‘Oi!’ at it and gives it the finger. Not being a carbon based life form the bus ignores her and drives off.

Demanding random pushy girl then flounces all the way to work. Upon entering the office, she takes off her coat and throws it over a co-worker’s computer screen, before grabbing someone else’s coffee and sitting down at her desk. A few minutes pass before a co-worker comes over and asks her if she’d like to put in five dollars to help buy the Manager a birthday present. Demanding random pushy girl yells “EXCUSE ME??” before launching into a fifteen minute diatribe about how long she’s been coming there, how she knows the manager and how she’s never paid to get in anywhere in her life. Her workmate rolls her eyes and walks back to her desk, muttering.

An hour passes before random pushy girl starts sighing loudly. Another hour and she starts yelling ‘boring!’ and makes pump it up hand gestures at her co-workers. Failing to get anything other than a blank stare in response she leaves for an early lunch.

She goes to the Pizza Hut down the road, walks straight behind the counter and up to a boy who is carefully removing a pizza from an oven. She grabs his arm, and the pizza splats onto the floor.
“Oi! Burger” She says, ignoring the pepperoni supreme currently coating her shoes.
“What are you doing behind he…” begins the boy.
“BURGER!!” she bellows in his ear, still keeping a firm grasp on his right arm.
“What do you mean, BURGER?”
“I want a burger!”
“But we don’t have burgers. We’re a pizza franchise. And you’re not supposed to be…”
“No burger? NO BURGER? What kind of a fucking pizza place are you?”

Demanding random pushy girl then gives several variations on the ‘pump it up’ hand gesture before storming back to work, where she glares at her desk for not being big enough. The afternoon passes slowly before it’s finally time to leave. On a whim she decides to go and see Kill Bill Volume two.

She walks to the local cinema, barges past the usher and into a session of the new Harry Potter film. She finds a seat and spends the next half an hour turning around and yelling ‘Kill Bill!! Oi!!! Kill Bill!!” at the projectionist. Seeing no change, she gives a few ‘pump it up’ hand gestures to the cinema screen before finally giving in and going home.

Arriving back in her apartment she switches on the TV to see that nothing she wants to see is on. She grabs the phone and rings Channel nine.
“Good Evening, Nine Networ….”
“Oi!! Kill Bill!!”
“…..I’m sorry, I missed that..”
“Kill BILL!! Put it on! It goes off.”
“The movie? It’s on at the cinemas…”
“Put Kill Bill on now!! Everyone wants it.”
“That’s not exactly how television works.”
“Well when? Put it on next!”
“I’m going to disconnect this call I’m sorry”
“Yeah, well how about Sex and The City”
“That was on earlier.”
“I wasn’t HERE earlier. Put it on now! Oi!! Hello? Hello?

After an exhaustive combination of pump it up hand gestures and yelling “Sex and The City!!” at the tv for three hours on end, demanding random pushy girl goes to bed and scolds her pillow for being feather down, because she’s allergic to it. She soon drifts off to sleep and dreams of doing ‘pump it up’ hand gestures live on stage to thousands of crying dj’s.