I’ve decided that enough is enough and it’s time for me to really put in the hard yards and quit sugar. WAIT. WHAT?
Thing is, I had a vertical sleeve gastrectomy last year. I’ve since lost 136 pounds (62 kgs).
Being that I have an ‘interesting brain’ (official diagnosis – a bit batshit cray-cray aka OCD – not Tumblr OCD, actual clinically diagnosed OCD) I obsessively followed every guideline I was given and exercised like I was promised a box of cocaine-dusted chocolate donuts at the end of it all. (There wasn’t. Boo and hiss, say I.)
I’m lucky in that my disorder doesn’t effect everything in my life, it’s attached to very distinct rituals. No goats are sacrificed though, I promise, gentle reader.
I’m unlucky in that the disorder sometimes means I get stuck doing things that aren’t ‘do or die’ compulsive rituals yet I have an incredibly hard time breaking away from the habit.
An incredibly hard time as in I will repeat-eat the same thing every day for months, at the same time, in the same portion, bought from the same place. Now, when you’re eating well this becomes an incredibly useful tool. Hence me losing 99% of my excess weight within six months of surgery. HASHTAG MODEL PATIENT, YO.
When your routine breaks, as it did for me, due to something unavoidable like moving house and not having eaten for 18 hours then it can get reset. Mine got reset on a carton of Brownes Iced Coffee, a packet of Allens Retro Party Mix and a Cadbury Marvellous Creations Jelly Poppin’ Candy and Beanies chocolate bar from our local gas station.
I ate these three things, day in, day out from late November through to a couple of days ago. Like a kid that had been given $50 and told to go and get the week’s food from the candy aisle. In my head this was a meal, so when it was mealtime this is what I bought. Simple.
I went from months of having 13g of sugar a day to averaging 350g. Yes, a day.
Exercising has kept weight gain at bay (but it sometimes involved walking up to three hours a day) but it’s clear I’ve been in a bad way and needed to change.
I didn’t put myself through weight loss surgery and 11 months of working towards a goal weight only to become addicted to sweet, sweet, delicious thangs weeks away from reaching it. Something something self sabotage something something…
Having done a lot of reading and after a chat with both my dietician and my psych (henceforth known as the Sebpocalypse Krush Groove Squad) I’ve decided the ‘cold turkey’ approach is best. Likely due to my being AN OBSESSIVE IDIOT OF HERCULEAN PROPORTIONS.
And I’mma blog about it. Cos maybe someone else understands. Or maybe this will help someone who doesn’t feel that anyone understands.
Unrelated: Day 1 – I think I’m dying. Can’t stay awake. Slept 12 hours, was awake for an hour and slept again for another 6. Then another 3. Head is hurty. I will cut a bitch. Send help.